Good morning, and thank you for joining me. Many of you in this room are my friends, know me and have supported me. Now everyone in this room has good reason to be critical of me. I want to say to each of you directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behaviour I engaged in. People want to know I could have done these things to my wife Evangeline, all 13 inches of her beautiful white plastic self.
I am sorry for cheating on you, Evangeline, with my iPhone. She was just too sexy.
But there is one thing I want to make clear: my wife has not given me an electric shock that night or any other night. There has never been an episode of domestic violence in our marriage, I have never dropped her either.
I am deeply sorry. But now that you know, just shut one eye like Jack Neo’s wife, okay?
[background: my best friend and I consider ourselves "married"]
Me: I am getting a cat!
Nan: Ooo! A kitty? OMG! i demand the rights to co-own him!
Me: My sister will contest your claim to that.
Nan: I am your wife, I get priority over your sister.
Me: Co-owning means co-cleaning, co-feeding…
Nan: nahhhh. i just want the bragging rights.
Me: if we are to have this child, i am not going to raise him by myself!
Nan: i’ll give you child maintainence money xD
Me: Keep your money. This cat doesn’t need a deadbeat mother!
Me: This conversation is going on my blog
Nan: the fact that i am now the proud co-owner of a cat is going on mine
A random MSN conversation between me and zixian, who is going away on exchange to China next sem.
zark: if they make me do maoist thought
zark: then i will come back a full fledged communist
zark: then you will have to try to get me habeas corpus
zark: and argue Chng Suan Tze
me: well dear, you know the situation here
me: NO JUDICIAL REVIEW
zark: I IS JUST A KPOP IDOL LOVING UNIVERSITY STUDENT
zark: i will be deprived of my 2pm if i am locked up
zark: then i will have to escape while limping
zark: with a flotation device
me: yeah you will break that leg when you land on a pile of toilet paper
zark: then i’ll swim to malaysia
zark: and then they’ll catch me, and kill me
zark: then i will weep because i went to hell without hearing 2pm’s new album
me: no, they’ll just extradite you back here
me: where you will be subjected to intense airconditioning
zark: then i still won’t get to listen to 2pm
zark: maybe you can visit me with a contraband 2pm album
P.S. “2pm” is a korean pop group
Me: [posts article about a campus in USA banning cross-dressing]
Rach: Well if they banned leggings as pants in law school you’d be happy
Me: I am a liberal. I will fight to the death for your right to wear things that are an eyesore to me
I cannot believe Mr I-made-up-a-foreign-sounding-name from a country-that-nobody-has-heard-of wants my help! Oh, the honour. Oh the joy in reading emails from the distant cousins of Nigerian millionaires.
I am Abou Lansana Konte, son of the former ( Recently Deceased ) President of Guinea Conakry, General Lansana Konte who passed away due to series of illnes such as diabetes, Leukaemia etc. I and my Sister, Zainab Lansana Konte and our Mother ( Mrs Mariam Lansana Konte) needs your urgent assistance to recover part of my late father’s assets both in the Bank and Security Company that are left behind here in Burkina Faso to be transferred/shipped under your name and into your care before it get discovered by the present military government who seized power through a bloodless military coup d’etat immediately after the death of my father.
I will present you as my father’s friend, his confidant and our foreign beneficiary. I will mail you further details after recieving your affirmative response.
Thanks and God Bless you.
Abou Lansana Konte.
For the Family.
So, if you are not up to date with the minutaie of the AWARE EGM, you are probably not going to get this. The famed page 73, that Thio Su Mien claimed she was on, and hence enabled her to be a feminist mentor? Here it is. (click to read)
Two sentences. Two sentences out of an entire book published by AWARE, and that apparently makes one a feminist mentor.
What does that make Gandhi? God?
I am just not comfy with friends giving me lapdances and not getting naked at the same time.
Yesterday was the last lecture by Kevin Gray – to our credit, we sent him off with a resounding 2-min long applause, which stopped short of being a standing ovation.
I actually do consider myself immensely lucky to have been taught by one of the most profilic land law academics alive today. It really helped that he was really funny and oh-so-freaking-adorable, as Rachel will testify. So I am feeling just a tiny wee bit sad that we won’t be having him anymore for property law (he was a positive springwell of quotable quotes and funny sayings, including the now-famous “go forth and multiply” which I use liberally) but all good things must come to an end.
This is the best ever quote by him, so far, delivered with his trademark deadpan tone and British accent.
“Of course, we know who are the most lethal people in property law, and it is your own family members. Land law is really a law of family pathology.”
It is a tragedy, that I know more Latin than Mandarin.
– Dean Tan
Me: I love the idea of eskimo song duels…
S: Don’t you think song duels are just ancient trash talking sessions?
Me: Like rapping?
Me: So, our conclusion for the CLT essay is that rap artists are modern eskimoes?
S: With bling
Note: CLT – Comparative Legal Traditions