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What to do when she rejects you


I haven’t really had the misfortune of being rejected by a queer girl before… in fact I think the only time someone rejected me outright was when I confessed to a straight girl [way back when I first came out]. Unspoken unrequited loves don’t count, because I had the good sense to back out when I knew there wasn’t much of a chance.

Unfortunately it seems not everyone has the same good sense.

For all the ladies (and gentlemen) who have been rejected before by the object of their affections:

1. Don’t keep calling and messaging her further, reiterating your love for her and asking if you guys have a chance. If there’s a chance, she’ll come to you, and further chasing only makes you look desperate.

2. Don’t whine to all your friends and hers about the rejection. The person who looks bad isn’t her, it is you.

3. Don’t keep bringing up the topic when you are trying to be friends.

4. Don’t make exaggerated “I’m happy for you” remarks, especially if she finds someone else.

5. Don’t try to engage in friendly flirting – that can be interpreted wrongly.

6. Don’t try to emotionally blackmail her – that NEVER works in making her fall for you.

7. Don’t try to stalk her so as to get her to pay you some attention – this includes constant messaging, emails, phone-calls, spying on her, waiting for her after work/school or showing up at her home. The last one is a complete no-no.

8. Don’t display your obvious jealousy over her other suitors or dates.

Remember, girls come and go. Just because one girl rejected you doesn’t mean you are not worthy, it just means she doesn’t appreciate you. Move on, don’t make a drama out of it. Find someone else.


December 2, 2007 - Posted by | Relationships | , , , ,


  1. Sounds good. What about the ‘Dos’?

    Perhaps the Dos and Don’ts could be published on the Sayoni blog. 😉

    Comment by Kelly | December 2, 2007 | Reply

  2. haha, can lesbians not be drama??

    Comment by crown | December 2, 2007 | Reply

  3. But are there prescribed ‘right’ ways to act? Doesn’t it depend on your own style or personality? Maybe the Dos could be an offshoot of ‘how to forget someone’.

    Good rules to follow; sometimes we need objective lists to abide by when rationality takes a rest.

    Comment by nae | December 2, 2007 | Reply

  4. I think the most important thing to do when you are rejected is to walk away with dignity and self-respect. Otherwise, I don’t think there are any “Dos”, because different people react differently and want different things. Some may choose to cut contact, others may want to be friends. Some may want to wait around for her to change her mind [but keeping in mind the Donts].

    Comment by pleinelune | December 2, 2007 | Reply

  5. ok ok, will be following all the 8 steps :p, the problem is to apply to whom. hmm.

    Comment by swampland | December 2, 2007 | Reply


    You’ve spoken my mind!

    Comment by Liv | December 3, 2007 | Reply

  7. Do nothing?how can it be?this is a changed world every minute u need to get her some way.that can only happen when you keep on asking her

    Comment by Dhiren | July 13, 2010 | Reply

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