The L Word Season 5: Episode 2
There is only one episode that can rival the second episode of season 5, “Look Out, Here They Come!”, and that is “Lifeline”, S3E05. This was directed by Jamie Babbit, a name I don’t recognise, but maybe that’s why it is so different. This show put my faith back in the series, and that was a tough thing to do after the disastrous first episode.
The beginning itself was awesome, with the director being a complete a**, and trying to insert more sex into the movie with random pairings. The imaginary sex scenes were hilarious, especially the scene between Bette and Helena. Golden moment: when Tina and Jenny said together, “That would never happen”, in reference to a Bette and Shane pairing.
Shane has just landed a gig, doing hair at a wedding. But of course, we know from the second Shane steps into the room, that she is going to do more than their hair. And so she does – through the course of the show, she sleeps with both the sisters, AND their mother. Thankfully she didn’t do the bride, which would probably create a complete disaster. Sleeping around is one thing… but sleeping around with no discretion at all? Thought Shane would have learned her lesson to not sleep with people from the same family, and keep it in her pants. Her screw-up. however, lead to the most hilarious scene at the end of the show, when she ran away from the three women with her pants barely on her hip, her white panties showing and her shirt half-buttoned, and jumped into Jenny’s sports car, because she couldn’t find her keys in time. I think your keys are in the limes, Shane.
Tina tries to go on a date, but that doesn’t quite work out, because her obvious attraction to Bette turns the other woman away. Tip to lesbians who are trying to move on: don’t talk about your ex. If you do, please try to say as many bad things as possible, not about how much she loves art. The painful date comes to an end when Bette and Jodi show up, and the woman tells her, “I think you have some things to figure out”. Bette, in turn, turns on her possessive, control-freak button and interrogates Tina about the date, prompting Jodi and Alice to intervene. Seriously, dump Jodi and get back together already. Jodie is a cocky bitch who doesn’t give two hoots about Bette’s feelings, and doesn’t see how much Bette has given up for her – she makes it out to be such a big deal that Bette doesn’t like a filthy home, and doesn’t want to walk around on a paint-stained floor. And yet, Bette gives in. They are so not going to work out.
In the half-traumatising scene in the prison shower where we had to witness multiple bodies of naked not-so-slim women, Helena drops the soap, though she was warned by her friends not to. Okay – I didn’t see this coming, because I didn’t know the warning was supposed to be taken literally. She is immediately ganged up on by the prison ladies, but her hot butchy-but-not-really cellmate, Dusty, comes to her rescue. Kit later visits her, and advises her to “clique up” with Dusty, with experience and wisdom gained from a prison stay in her distant past – oh, by the way, that scene with her walking down the prison aisle? So Jackie Brown, and I loved it. I am not sure what is Kit’s role in this season, actually… she just seems to be floating in the background. Anyway, Dusty and Helena has sex, which was actually hot, contrary to my expectations – and the most hilarious moment of the show: Dusty reveals she was jailed for…. tax fraud, and not murder like everyone thought she was. I can’t think of a pussier crime, except smuggling chewing gum to Singapore.
Tasha reveals the reason she magically reappeared is because she has been held back, and is being investigated for “homosexual conduct”, and even her long-time friend won’t help her. Tasha doesn’t want to fight the Dont-Ask-Dont-Tell rule, but just wants to deny the rumours and remain in the screwed-up institution she is in. I don’t think many people understand her decision, but from what I can understand, it is because she considers her identity and life in the army as the most important thing in her life. She has probably been working for this her entire life, and cannot give it up. But given her girlfriend is a minor local celebrity, with her podcast and all, that is going to be tough. Tasha gets upset that Alice told her friends about the investigation, and leaves early from her double date with Jodie and Bette.
Phyllis gets the same advice that Bette gave Alice last season – “Some lesbians, you have to break up with more than once.”, because Phyllis just isn’t taking the hint and leaving, and counters with her own line, “I’m rich, I’m smart, I’m great in bed, you’ll never find anyone better than me!”. Yeah. Okay. Adios Joyce… we’ll call you the next time Bette and Tina are thinking of a divorce, after they get remarried.
If I haven’t covered anyone, it is because I am not interested in them. Like Max… I can’t even remember whether he appeared in this show. And Jenny, she is being a self-important bitch, as usual, and she found a nerdy assistant, who apparently didn’t kill herself because she read Jenny’s book. Whatever. *yawns*