Me and Alcohol
I don’t drink, and never have. A sworn teetotaller, and still going strong. Not quite willingly anyway, unless you count rum-laden Tiramisus [my friends will remember THAT Tiramisu, which got me all high and giggling away. Yes my tolerance level is non-existent]. I am part of a rare and dying breed, an oddity, especially among queer women, it seems. It takes people some getting used to, in acknowledging that I won’t even indulge in a social drink, and will finish up the entire bottle of Green Tea as a substitute. My wallet is very thankful for this habit, or lack thereof, however.
I can’t stand the smell and taste of alcohol, and don’t understand what is appealing about chugging down huge quantities of what is essentially poison, into my body. Anyone who has taken a course in chemistry and/or biology will know what alcohol entails – and the damage it does to the body, especially the liver. I really don’t need alcohol as a social lubricant – I get naturally high around the people I like hanging out with, as my friends will testify. I can drink green tea all night long and still be as energetic and outgoing as someone high on beer – and the best thing is, I don’t have a hangover the next morning, or deal with the depressive side-effects of alcohol.
My decision is conscious and unchanging. I have no desire to ingest poison, and more importantly, I have no desire to lose my self-control. Alcohol has probably ruined more relationships and created more drama than anything else in the world. I don’t want to wake up with people whom I don’t recognise the next morning, or worse, in a ditch with vomit all over myself. I don’t wish to be a burden to other people, because I’ve taken care of enough drunk people to know what that’s like. One of my best and worst moments with drunk people was at a party a year ago, where a young girl got so drunk, she was saying things like “I don’t want this juice! This juice is so Malay!” and “I want vodka from your tits!”. [Needless to say, she was so mortified that she hasn’t showed up for any parties since then.]
But I have a weird relationship with alcohol. I won’t drink a drop of it myself, but behave like I do. I’ll hang out with people at bars and clubs, no problem. I’ll pour wine for you at dinners, and try my best to get certain otherwise stiff people drunk just so that their naughty side will come out. In fact, that’s the best thing about being sober – you get to laugh at everyone else, and still be able to remember it the next morning. And as Manqin is able to testify, you can take pictures with which you can blackmail people in the future.
I love looking at alcohol bottles and labels. I could spend as much time browsing through the wine bottles as I do looking at cosmetics – and if it weren’t expensive, I would buy them just because they look so stylish. I like learning the names and knowing what is good and what is not, and what type of alcohol complements what cuisine.
In effect, I am a tourist in the land of alcohol. And my visa isn’t going to expire any time soon.
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