Good morning, and thank you for joining me. Many of you in this room are my friends, know me and have supported me. Now everyone in this room has good reason to be critical of me. I want to say to each of you directly, I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behaviour I engaged in. People want to know I could have done these things to my wife Evangeline, all 13 inches of her beautiful white plastic self.
I am sorry for cheating on you, Evangeline, with my iPhone. She was just too sexy.
But there is one thing I want to make clear: my wife has not given me an electric shock that night or any other night. There has never been an episode of domestic violence in our marriage, I have never dropped her either.
I am deeply sorry. But now that you know, just shut one eye like Jack Neo’s wife, okay?
This post is probably long overdue, but as with everything else, I’ve been too busy to blog about it. I’ve received enough ribbing in my life about Indian movies, Indian songs and everything to do with Indian culture. People making fun of “dancing around coconut trees”, moving their heads and hands in a horrible imitation of what they consider Indian dance, and laughing at music – all of which I am expected to agree with and laugh at. I don’t confront residual racism directly, and until recently, I myself would have been unqualified to confront it [But that is not really the point].
So, with the axiom that knowledge is power, I am giving all my readers a tour of that great Indian institution: Indian films. Before I start, I must disclaim that I am by no means an expert, and I have not seen every movie out there [that would take roughly 100 years], and I am only able to give my point-of-view from three languages. Yes, surprise, there is more than one Indian language – roughly 20 official languages, in fact, spread out over 26 states. But the languages with an active film industry are not that many – Bengali, Kannada, Telugu, Malayalam, Marathi, Tamil and Telugu and of course, Hindi (popularly known as Bollywood). I am familiar with three of them – Hindi, Malayalam and Tamil. My interest in Indian movies was only recently revived, after having considered most of them in disdain. I still do, but I have learned to appreciate the gems too. Continue reading
Evangeline Lilly is in danger.
She is in grave danger of being kicked off my desktop and being replaced by… Elizabeth Mitchell.
Take all the time you want, because I can’t stop looking at her either.
Maybe, perhaps, I am still thinking about it. My desktop has become the competition ground for two hot ladies, as if their characters already didn’t have enough competition fighting over Jack in Lost.
And with the latest episode of Lost, The Other Woman, I thought I was the only one who was gushing inside about how hot Elizabeth was. Damn, I thought I was the only one who noticed how hot (and kinda dykey) her character was, throughout Lost, and this was before I knew she was the one who was having sex with Angelina Jolie in Gia, and seducing a doctor in ER. But no, it turns out she has a big lesbian following as well, and made it to the AfterEllen Hot 100 list. And she happens to be one of the very few blondes who attract my attention.
Kate or Juliet? Juliet or Kate? Damn, if I am like this, imagine how Jack feels.
I’m bi. That’s a fact proudly announced on my blog sidebar, and something all my friends know. Granted, it took my clueless bisexual ex three months to know, but hey, not my fault. So why is it that I am still encountering people who insist on seeing me as lesbian, or straight boys who think it is just something I am into, for the kink factor? Why is that my idol, Alice in The L Word, swore in a military court that she is a lesbian now, when she was been maintaining for four seasons that she is bisexual? Why are people mud-slinging poor openly bisexual actress Kristanna Loken for getting engaged to a man?
Granted, my history is such that I haven’t really dated men. It it is just much easier for me to meet interesting women because of the circles I move in. I don’t gush as much about men, because of the simple fact that my standard for men is rather high. For one, he needs to be bi-friendly, or else it is bi-bi for him. To straight boys who hit on me… my sexuality isn’t a kink. It is not a topping thrown on top of the sundae, it is the sundae, a part of my identity as vital as my race or gender. If you can’t understand this, please go away. Secondly, most singaporean men just bore me to death [So do most singaporean girls actually, but the gay girls tend to be marginally more interesting].
I don’t consider sex with either one as “more fun”, or “more sacred”, or whatever. Yes, I have yet to fall in love with a boy, but hey, I’ve only fallen in love with one person in my entire life, so that’s hardly a good sampling. Stop telling me what my sexuality is, I know it better than you. If I do date a man or a woman next, that has nothing to do with whom I prefer, it is what it is. It doesn’t mean anything has changed.
To lesbians who are afraid of bisexuals: getoverit. Whether your relationship is going to succeed has nothing to do with whether your partner is bisexual or lesbian. If she leaves you for a man, it is really no different from her leaving you for a woman, except maybe your ego gets hurt more. So getoverit. Seriously.
I’ve gone 20 years of my life without seriously obsessing over any celebrity. Seriously, I couldn’t care less, and if ever I did appear to be a “fan”, it was just because I needed to appear like a normal person who did care.
Until I discovered KT Tunstall. You may remember how I recommended her music before. My love for her music has grown exponentially since, enough to actually go for her concert at the end of March, which I’ve never done for any other artiste. And I am actually starting to appreciate her as a person – ironically because they don’t sell her as a personality. How do you not like this self-lyric-writing, self-guitar-playing, self-singing, talented artiste? How do you not appreciate her genuine commitment to the ecology? For once, the music is not all about sex and love, or gangsters shooting each other up.
And need I mention how much it helps that she pings my gaydar like no one’s business? Okay that is not the main reason, duh, but the fact that she looks like a regular girl, and not a made-up Barbie doll, and the fact that I just love dykey-but-not-masculine-looking women, solidifies my adoration for her. I don’t want to bed her, I just want her to remain as an example to all the people out there that you don’t need to be all girly and sexy to make it as a solo female artiste. [Yes, I know you are still there, Melissa Etheridge, you rock my world too with the way you survived breast cancer and had twins.] Not that she isn’t sexy, which once again is ironic, because I find her sexy because they don’t sell her as sexy.
Dear KT – I shall buy every one of your albums once I can afford to, because I think you are one of the few gems of musicians who deserve it, in this fucked-up music industry built on sex appeal, image-driven sales, and hormonal teenage girls and boys.