My second eldest cousin is getting married soon, right about the time I’ll be in India. It is my understanding that this wedding is somewhat controversial, not so much because it is a love marriage – that particular trail was blazed by her brother and even a generation earlier by one of our aunts, and of course my mother. It is because no one approves of the groom very much. But what cares love of the opinion of other people, even if it has been said that the groom is ugly, economically unreliable and unrealistic? [Not my own words or opinion, by the way – I don’t even know the dude.]
Everyone in the extended family [except maybe her mother], however, supports this as her own decision and wishes her good luck. I have to quote my father on this, when he made a hilarious and oh-so-true remark that it was “better to let the kids find their own partner, because then they couldn’t blame the parents for a failed marriage.”
My parents dropped the inter-caste marriage bomb more than 20 years ago on their family, and my eldest cousin dropped the inter-racial one [and he will be dropping the now-divorced-with-a-girlfriend bomb in a few weeks too]. I am hoping that by the time all my cousins are married and already caused their own scandals, me marrying a woman won’t seem so outrageous. Unless one of my cousins come out first [now THAT would be interesting].
Yesterday I made contact with two former friends of mine. One is from the States whom I haven’t spoken to in a year or two[we simply lost touch], Ms T R. Or as I should now call her, Mrs T A. She is now a stay-at-home lesbian mum, married to another friend of mine, Ms K A. She told me our mutual friend Ms T K, who is all of nineteen, was getting married to her boyfriend [who happens to Ms K A’s nephew]. I can reasonably guess why she is doing this at her tender age, given her past. But being me, I think it is a colossal mistake by the simple virtue of her being so young.
What is it about the girls around me? They get into relationships at the age of 17, 19, 22, and start talking about a marriage, family and a white picket fence the minute the relationship stabilises. Or sometimes even when the relationship is not stable. The other friend I made contact with, who is my age, expressed her desire to find a nice girl and “settle down” and urged me to do the same.
Why, girls? What is it about you, gay, straight or bisexual, which makes you want to exchange rings with the first person that comes by, especially when you are so young? It can’t just be the ones who are scarred and damaged, though they tend to be the ones who express these sentiments.
Take a breather. Enjoy your youth, enjoy dating people. You have your whole life ahead of you worry about mortgages, chores and kids. You may feel like you love that person a lot, and marriage can seem like a really good idea to hold on to him or her, to avoid losing that special person. When you are in love, your emotions may completely overwhelm your intellect and your good head… just keep in mind that there is a life beyond being in love and a relationship, though the movies say otherwise.
Love really isn’t everything.